In My Mind at the Moment

So, there has been a lack of everything.  FRIENDSHIP, CONVERSATION, CONSTANT CONTACT, TIME, HOBBY, PROMISES... I am truly not complaining but I am kind of lost.  We have mild conversations but have not had one in person (face to face) in a while and as you can see, I havent really had much to say as of lately.  LACK OF INSPIRATION.  The initial was exciting and always involved but now things are just going. He has been very busy at work and with his real life.  A few weeks ago he mentioned that I need to possibly find me a boyfriend as he is not always avail.  I just didnt really think that was the answer and to be quite honest - it sort of rubbed me the wrong way not really but a little.  There was always going to be time that he would be my side piece as I am his but I just havent met anyone and I generally dont have a ransom dude's my space like that.  I know that he sometimes feels bad (well maybe or not) when he amkes a plan to see me and cant make it happen.  He knows that I have been wanting him in my space and in the place BUT he has not had time or been able to make it happen.  Things have been busy for him at work and his family keeps him fairly busy on the weekend.  GOTTA STAY IN MY PLACE (know the role).  When he brought up the boyfriend thing it felt strange.  It was more in the tone.  I guess that is what happens when you are use to conversing with a person on a regular basis (constant contact - phone, email, in person) and then it is limited to sporatic text.  The emotion or connection is lost in translation.  I kind of feel lost in our friendship (special and otherwise).  It just feels disconnected (with the added sexual frustration -  STILL FUCKING HORNY).  When I saw him last week, it was limited and before that it had been two weeks also limited - good and very nice to be in his presence.  We were suppose to do something for my birthday and that didnt happen.  The vacation trip is not happening and sometimes he doesnt respond to me for long periods of time.  DISCONNECT. I know, I know I know.... I sound kind of sappy, overly sensitive and complicated.  I am really not trying to be.  I never want to burden him with how I am feeling or my disappointments because I am suppose to be easy, uncomplicated, fun and full of fantasy.  HONESTLY, I just really miss our friendship.  I miss the constant contact.  I miss him being attracted to me and the way he looked at me when I would attempt to do something "special".  I sometimes feel like he is over this arrangement and me.   Then I will get a text from him stating that he misses me and our conversations.  I always smile.  When I do have him for the limited time I try to make the most of  it when we have it but far too often I make me way available and something happens.  I try to take care of him and do the things that he likes when we are together (play my role).  I try to make sure that Professor is pleased and satisfied.  He generally releases and seems to be fulfilled.   That part is good and I sincerely enjoy pleasing him.  It never feels like a task.  It's always feels and taste good.  I just miss the constant contact, real conversation, coffee or drinks with pleasant sides of conversation and interaction, he wanting to be in my space.  I understand and it should all be easier once my time is more occupied.  Then we will change again.  I am just going with the flow and needed to get this shit off my chest. Whatcha think?

In His Mind Today: Email #10125

Ok...In my mind today...well nothing special.  Had a really good conversation with my other woman.  She self disclosed that she went out on a date.  I was rather excited because I like that she shared and was very open.  I got the feeling she did it because she was a little pissed at me, which kinda bothered me a little, but I will think on that some.

She told me all about the date and I guess the inner freak took over because my dick was hard the whole time she was telling me the story.  I am trying to think of something we can do for her Bday?  I could have something public invite a few friends, which would create a nice cover story...don’t know yet.

I think we will need to have a detailed conversation about some basic ground rules about dating and sex.  In my mind she can do what she wants...I just want to make sure this does not get complicated!  I need for her to have protected sex....otherwise I am good. 

Before I forget...We were in a public place when we met and I really was struggling with our greeting.  We shook hands no embrace...wtf! We will have to keep hugging when we meet in public we are friends and that is how we always greeted each other before!

I have always loved her as a friend and always will. We just closer friends these days...LOL


MY RESPONSE:


I look forward to a conversation with Professor. I don’t want our relationship to become complicated by any means. I have always spoken freely about my dates, escapades and such but was hesitant to share with him my last date. Not quite sure why but as he says it is what it is. I shared and it seemed to turn him on which I liked. I did initially not speak of the drunken sex I had with my date. I wasn’t completely sure if it was necessary but I suppose it should be. For the record it was protected and it was not much to tell. Somewhere in the midst of it we passed out and there wasn’t a happy ending (no orgasms).  Realistically, I wanted the attention and wanted to be out so I went along with it. It was cool but I wasn’t fulfilled.

When I saw Professor, I struggled with our greeting as well. I wanted to kiss him but I know better and I was sitting. He sort of seemed as if he may have wanted to kiss me too.  Smile. I should have gotten up to hug him at least but the moment passed. I needed to play cool. We were in public and he knows lots of people. Most know he is married and he is always wearing his very nice wedding ring. We hadn’t really been out together since our friendship became "special" which is strange for me but it was great being out with him. I almost forgot how that felt. Simple conversation outside of my home. I miss that dynamic of our friendship.

I like our closeness and it still feels good.

In His Mind Today: Email #10120 - Questions and Answers:

Professor came by this morning for a kiss and I wasnt feeling very well.  I have very bad migraines from time to time.  My grandmother once told me that an orgasm would release the pressure of the migraine. Go figure.  She offered that information without any additional anything and I did not question her any further.  I have tried it on more than a few occasions and she knows what she is talking about. 

All of that to say that I was in my bed when he arrived with my vibrators.  Once he came in I pulled my covers back so that he could see that they had been used and were still present with me.  I was naked in bed with my toys since HE was not readily available. SMILE.  I like my toys... they are relaxing and sometimes fun.  Anyway, he didnt stay long and hoped for me feeling better.  I apologized for not being any fun but it seemed to be ok. 

He emailed me:

So I got up this morning thinking about you! Random thoughts...went for my morning walk to clear my mind for the start of a good day! I started to think about your taste and wanted a kiss from you.  So I showered, combed my hair, shaved and got dressed.

I wanted to surprise you, but decided it would be better to text you that I was coming.  I parked in front of your house to notice the group lifting weights...Ok I said in my mind, what are they thinking?  So I will never give the hint of you being anything but a lady...so my plans had to change...you may ask...plans?

so I settled for a kiss and a very sensual sucking of your nipples!  You did give me full visual to your breast and nipples.  All so that you used your vibrator last night.  I liked that!

ok got a few questions for you answer honestly:

When was the first time you used a vibrator
First time giving head and getting head (oral sex)
You ever attempted anal...I have found that if a woman hates it there first time was not a good experience.  Not asking because I want you to do it...just wondering
Do you like rough sex
What is the kinkies think you ever done
You ever had sex with more than one man at a time
Do you spit or swallow...or does it depends...

There you go...I wait your answers

My Answers: 

When was the first time you used a vibrator
I would say that I was about 20.  I was still in college and started working at an adult store and picked a little something up to try.  I was curious.

First time giving head and getting head (oral sex)
I was a late sucker.  I was in college and thought that I loved that guy.  He made me comfortable and there was no pressure.  As for getting head – I was in high school the first time.  I was kind of fast and I have always liked older guys (men).

You ever attempted anal...I have found that if a woman hates it there first time was not a good experience.  Not asking because I want you to do it...just wondering
I have tried a couple of different times.  I hate it!  I cant relax and it just doesn’t feel good to me.  I cannot even stand to watch it on a flick.  It is so not my thing.

Do you like rough sex
That depends on what rough means but really, not my thing either.  I like for a man to take charge and run the show but I don’t like to it too rough but it depends.

What is the kinkiest think you ever done

there are a few place.  I have had sex on a football field, bathroom at a bar, outside on the hood of his car in the summer in atlanta but the bug bites made it not as great. my grandma's backyard bbq patio. suck him as we drove hime from a movie and at his front door. fucked in a field in the wide open (residential neighborhood), side of highway in the mountains.   I am not into hot wax or anything I am a sensual romantic type that likes a little nasty but I have to be eased into it and it generally comes out the more comfortable I get.  I am open...

You ever had sex with more than one man at a time
Yes, Once, while I was recently out of college.

Do you spit or swallow...or does it depends...

Both and it depends

WHAT ARE YOUR ANSWERS?

RANDOM TEXTS FROM PROFESSOR

I love watching. I like the body movement and facials.
It’s pure pleasure to please you and see you enjoy it.

I LOVE tasting you! I like licking your clit and seeing your pussy get wet!

I want to kiss you hold you taste you then have you fuck me to sleep!

Did you put in your blog how I fucked your ass with my tongue.

Your pussy was so wet and ran down your ass. I love it.

My dick is hard thinking about you.  Have a great day!

I’m totally satisfied with how you do me.

I can feel you want to make me feel good and that is number one for me. I love that.

You looked so sexy in bed I was simply soaking you in with my eyes

Thank you for wanting to please me

Constant Contact

We text all the time and just about all day. We favor constant contact. However I dared to be different and called him. I desired to hear his voice and wanted him to know that he was on my mind. I’m kind of corny like that. I told him about the blog. He is very excited about it.