Dirty Little Secrets

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being involved with him is an adventure. Life is short. Be sure to read from the bottom up to stay current.


The Date With Another Man

So, I had a date with an old friend the other night.  It was harmless and somewhat innocent.  I need to re-adjust to being a single woman more than the other woman.  I just felt like being out and wanted to have some drinks.  I have an old flame that I kind of cut off.  He is a great guy but he is going through a divorce and seemed to want me as a way of coping.  At the time, I just wasn't into it.  I had protected sex with him a couple of times (months ago) and it just never felt like it was about me so I told him that I preferred our friendship and since I had so much going on in my life, it was bad timing and he understood.  We have remained friends but do not talk nearly as much but still cool.  I sent him a text saying hey earlier in the day and followed up later.  I shared that I wanted to get out but no transportation and my friends seem to be doing their own thing.  He stated that he was surprised  I wasn't out and would like to take me for some drinks but he may want to... I responded with the we are grown and I am up to it if he was.  Alcohol always seems to make it easier and if he is paying for the alcohol...

As he was on his way to pick me up, he made mention that he had on jeans a long sleeve shirt and casual shoes.  I told him cool and that it was just a bar.  I put on a low cut black tank displaying my girls, flare jeans, a cardigan and of course some heels.  I am heel girl, every day, all day.  I was cute and my kind of casual.  He, my friend, complimented my ensemble and made reference to my so called casual.  It was jeans and a shirt but I was kind of cute if I do say so myself.

So we went to a local watering hole and the music was good.  We had a couple of rounds of drinks.  I generally drink tequila when I drink (sunrise or sunset).  We chilled, had some french fries, talked with some light flirting and enjoyed the atmosphere.  As I approached drink #4 he suggested that I get a shot of patron and I did.  I was about done and figured we might as well head back to the house but before we left I had to go to the girl's room.  There was a group of men lingering around the restroom area.  I got it together and realized I was a little tipsy once I stood up.  I made it to the restroom, smiled my way through the pack and took care of business.  I did manage to look a couple of them over and they were appeasing to the eye but I try to be respectful. I didn't flirt or anything since I was with this other guy and he is not like Professor.  He may not have appreciated it.  While I was in the bathroom, I switched around my rings so there would not be too much dialogue and I thought that I would add some "play" into this date.  Once I came out the bathroom and made my way back through the pack, a couple of them men walked up on me and I responded with the watch out my husband is over there.  They all backed off and told me to tell my husband that his wife was damn fine.  I blushingly said that I would and thank you.  I smiled as I walked back over to my friend.  I laughed and got real close on him.  I looked over his shoulder to see if they were watching and they were.  I whispered in his ear, " I switched my rings and told the men over near the bathroom that you were my husband".  I blushed a bit and landed a series of kisses on his lips then pulled away.  As I put my ass firmly back on the stool.  I said, "they said to tell you that you wife is damn fine" as I looked over smiling in their direction.  He turned around holding his drink up and said thanks.  They all tripped and we laughed and I kissed him again carefully of course. I realized that I was feeling way right and how great would it be if I was with Professor. The kisses were nice but their were no fireworks even with the tequila. We finished our conversation with the bartender and he paid our tab.  We got our stuff and got in the car home.  The conversation was rather mundane in the car but I seemed to feel drunker and drunker as the air hit my face.  We arrived back at my house and headed in.  I undressed quickly as did he.  He was already hard from the bar and it was on. Well so I thought.  It was cool but not very memorable with no happy ending so to speak.  Somewhere along the way we both crashed and woke up about 6 AM.  He got up and kissed my forehead and stated that he would lock my door.  I rolled and said bye.  When I got up a couple of hours later, I found the condom wrapper on the floor next to my bed and immediately changed my sheets. I felt a little bad and very ungratified (yes, made it up but you get it).  I wondered about Professor and figured that when I have a chance I would tell him about it but today, I wasn't really feeling it.  He's been busy and I need to play my role better.  Give him time to be with his family.  I will just tell him another day.  Damn I need a shower. 

I went on about my day, entertained some friends at my house and got a few texts from Professor.  I get so wrapped up with him and making me available for him that sometimes I do not focus on me the way that I need to or my friends.  I push some things to the side.  Don't get me wrong, there is not an issue but sometimes Professor is not available to me.  I knew that going into this.

OK ok ok, let me explain... during the day before my date, Professor and I were suppose to "bump into each other" out a shopping center.  It was going to be a sort of outing.  I put on a really cute dress that shared my attributes and a pair of stilettos that I know he would like.  I was sexy and it was all for him.  I shared that I was on my way and no response.  When he finally responded he stated that he had been out already and was on his way home. blank stare.  I was like ok, cool. no big deal.  Then I sent him another message when I went to my next destination and he was on his way to hang out with some friends.  blank stare.  This same scenario happened the day before but it was majorly my fault but I was mildly feeling some kind of way - not mad or upset.  I craved his attention.  I will admit it.  I am spoiled and he has spoiled me.  This is not the first time that this has happened but I know better.  He is so good at making all of our interaction be about me (us) that I sometimes get caught up.  It's not a point of really falling for him but a selfish desire for his attention.  The way he looks at me.  The things that he says to me.  MAJOR POINT - I had a plan.  I had something that I wanted to do.  It always seems that MY plans never come into fruition but HIS do.  Realistically, it is all about HIM.  I don't have a problem with this but I do need him to keep his word to me or don't say anything at all.

SO, I was a little distant and I pulled back some.  He noticed and we will have to have a conversation about it, I'm sure.  He is very direct and I like that.  I am very nonconfrontational and he likes that.  I am going to have to figure out a way of saying what I feel without sounding as if I want more or sounding like I am nagging or becoming complicated. Any suggestions?


  1. A little courtesy goes a along way....

  2. Directness is scary until you get used to it. But you can say almost anything with a smile on your face and sincere friendliness and respect in your heart!

    Courtesy is often different for different people. People can be direct and courteous, too. It just doesn't seem to happen that way much, and women already communicate FAR too indirectly with hints that usually have men missing their message. It's also OK to say your true feelings like, "I am conflicted about this and feel BOTH ways about what is happening." That's part of being human quite often -- Why deny it? If two people care about each other and want to be really intimate, it's being VULNERABLE to the other person that is intimacy, not sex!

  3. Richard, very true. I just want to remain neutral. I pride myself on not being one the complicated women. I also recognize the reality of our situation (arrangement). I care alot about him - we have been friends for so long. I have always been able to be honest and direct with him. I do not like to play any games but I am more concerned about my delivery. I tend to get passionate when I speak my mind. I generally don't care how I am taken but I dont want to be mistaken.